If you have ever watched any American sports, you’ve noticed a pattern: every single one has the incredibly annoying habit of starting, stopping and starting again. They make a play, stop and have a commercial break. The NFL is the worst. How can that game be called football anyway? Nobody uses his feet except for the skinny European guy who trots onto the field for ten seconds to kick off or kick the ball through the posts. Imagine, working ten seconds a week and getting paid one million dollars! Nice work if you can get it.
You go to these sports to watch live action and you end up in your seat twiddling your thumbs. Meanwhile some bugger in his armchair at home is able to get up and pee when he wants or eat snacks without waiting in line at a concession stand for a $10 hot dog, all while you sit frustrated, often in the freezing cold, wondering why they can’t just play the bloody game.
But even if you’re sitting at home in the comfort of your living room, here come the commercials. Another play, another stop, another pitch for beer or Chevrlolet. Basketball is the worst. The last thirty seconds of an NBA game last for ten minutes! It’s a joke. Now, if you watch real football, what Americans inexplicably call soccer, it’s a different story. Americans says soccer is boring. Bull. It’s the most exciting game on the planet, without the commercial breaks. Why can’t Americans see that?
Take your old pal Alan’s advice: don’t bother watching U.S. sports. They are meaningless hours of mediocrity, an excuse for endless commercials. And while I’m at it, why do Americans call their championship of Major League Baseball—a sport played in dozens of countries around the planet—the World Series? I need someone to explain to me why that makes sense.