President Obama flew over my home last night. In a plane. I just thought I would make that clear. He touched down at 6:23 p.m. local time, was picked up by a bulletproof limousine and motorcaded to a lavish 200-guest Woodside fundraiser where his campaign collected $38,000 per person in order to afford more TV ads claiming that Mitt Romney eats babies and craps enriched uranium.
I just made that last part up. But it’s not too much of a stretch.
How stupid do you have to be to fork over the price of a top-of-the-line Toyota Camry to sit in a room shoving overcooked chicken and haricots verts into your gob while a politician spouts pandering, pre-written blather at you? In no place other than the United States do adults willingly pay the equivalent of a workingman’s annual salary to be insulted. What a country.
True, most of the people in attendance probably lived in Woodside, which is the essence of posh. Many of them probably fart gold dust. But still…paying $38,000 to see Barack Obama grin and wave. I don’t think it’s possible to get your money’s worth from that deal. If the Chief Executive broke out his black tie, danced to “Puttin’ on the Ritz” with the resurrected body of Peter Boyle from Young Frankenstein, and then personally promised each attendee a Washington, D.C. building named in their honor, that would be worth…maybe…$5,000. Tops.
In Scotland where I grew up, in the grim Glasgow housing project known as The Gorbals, I could buy an entire street and house 500 people for life with $38,000. Yet—and put your politics aside for a moment—here these drones sit, mindlessly applauding and giving their money to someone whose tax policies will very likely make them poorer! Such is the power of celebrity in America, I guess.
After picking the pockets of his flock, El Presidente shot off to a cinema in Redwood City, where for a mere $500 you could have your picture taken with the Great Man. I’d like to say that I was smart enough not to part with dime one, but that’s not the case. The whole affair cost me dearly: Air Force One, Secret Service protection, motorcade, and so on. Those expenses don’t come from campaign coffers, but from our tax dollars.
And it’s only a matter of time before Mitt “The Least Interesting Man in the World” Romney drops by with his hand out, too. I wonder what the going rate for dinner with a non-president is these days?