We Scots are known for more than whiskey, kilts, tartan, shortbread and bagpipes (though if you take a stroll down the High Street in nearly any widely touristed Scottish city, you’ll see little else). Among the many unheralded wonders we’ve brought the world include the telephone and Tarmac, which together make it possible for you to both land safely at an airport and then annoy the living daylights out of the passengers around you by immediately pulling out your mobile phone and ringing Mum to let her know, in a booming voice, that you just landed but have to take a crap something awful.
Humanity, you’re welcome.
There’s something else Scots are famous for, and that’s wicked turns of idiom. I know of no other culture that uses marvelous phrases like “jumpin’ off at Haymarket” to describe interrupted sex, or “burst couch” to describe someone both unattractive and carrying a few too many pounds. Scots slang also has the virtue of often being used to describe more than one thing. For example, “dobbin” can refer to either a penis or an extremely stupid person, with or without a penis. It’s with that second usage in mind that I share this extremely sobering video of Americans showing how utterly clueless they are at knowing anything about the world outside their borders.
These people are citizens of the most powerful nation in the history of the world. Be afraid.