Weather…or not

From where I sit, here in sunny California (sunny most of the time, anyway) the weather only changes when the sun disappears behind some annoying big black cloud, which frankly, is not very often. So why in hell is everyone so obsessed about the weather? I could understand it if we were in Kansas, because the people there are always at risk of being rudely swept away without notice by a Category 4 twister. But there are about seven microclimates where I live, and they’re all relatively sunny. Yet there’s an entire channel devoted to the weather…and apparently an entire subclass of crazy Americans who regularly sit, transfixed with their obligatory bag of popcorn, watching it!

I just don’t get it.

Come to think of it, I don’t get TV weather people at all. During daytime broadcasts, the weather-casters are all blond women with exceptional model looks, big boobs, and big lips—some natural, some clearly bought on credit. Not one of them seems like she really understands the concept that there are these things called clouds that bring the rain and snow…possibly because they all carry their own microclimates around with them in their cleavage and dental veneers. Why are these women blonde? Do they actually think we’re watching the forecast when they’re on? Do they care?

At night, the weather-casters turn into men with magnificent tans or coifs of perfectly graying hair. They all have titles like Chief Meteorologist. Excuse me, but is being the Chief Meteorologist in a place like California something to be proud of? Do you have to take special classes to say, “72 and sunny tomorrow, and the same through Friday”? With these guys, nothing is funnier than watching them drag out the ominous “Stormwatch” graphics and music the moment more than .001 inches of rain fall in Los Angeles or San Diego.

And at the end of the day, as long as there’s not a hurricane or a blizzard, who gives a hoot what the weather is? Is it going to have such an incredible impact on your life? Are you not going to go to your ballgame or a picnic because it’s over 80 degrees or raining buckets? People should care about getting up in the morning and breathing, not about the weather. Lots of people around the globe have it so much worse than us. Their main concern every morning is where their next meal is coming from, not how much sunshine or rain might affect their day. Would you rather be them or you?

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