Hi Jason this is Alan
“What can I do for you today?
I would like to save money on my cable bill, can you help?
Well, let me try
Well Jason, if you can’t help, I am switching to Direct TV
OK, I will check, let me see, right now you have our triple play package, and 12KB internet. Not too sure what I can do for you
Like I said, if you can’t do anything, I am going to call Direct TV, and having been with you guys for 15 years, I’m sort of reluctant to do that
Yes, I understand, but I am looking right now, and I see you don’t have a home phone with us
Who has a home phone nowadays Jason? No one uses home phone service
But it helps if you have an emergency and have to dial 911
I have a gun for such an occasion Jason and a pair of strong hairy legs that can run like a bat out of Hell
NO LAUGHTER!!! My attempt at comedic enlightenment dies a sudden death
Jason is back, and in full flow
Oh Alan I do see you’ve been a cable customer for quite some time now. I could offer your our loyalty plan, how about we give you a two year deal, which includes everything you have right now, plus one special?
Including tax, $145.26
Well shit the bed Lucy, that’s a saving of $2400 over 2 years!! Where was that deal when I asked you 5 mins ago?
Ok sir, lets sign you up
Good idea, how about my friends and family? Should I get them all in on the act, or will that bankrupt your company?
So, within the space of 10 minutes and 3 veiled threats to switch to their competition, my Comcast bill was reduced by $60 per month for the next two years! I am off to Safeway now to spend my winnings on club card reductions!!