Yes, I know, you all have a Facebook account! Me too, only on my account, I hardly ever log on and very rarely send out messages or make status updates. My lovely darling sister, the youngest of the 2 sisters I have, is a Facebook and social media maniac. She has rhythmic fingertips that beat to the tune of gossip. She updates every shit she takes and every morsel of food she eats, sometimes twice daily! And that’s not just the shit! She loves to let the whole world know where she is, what she is doing and how many times a day she receives proposals from strange men on the London Underground. She is hooked. I, on the other hand, find it a complete invasion of my privacy, and I am still discussing my sisters account, not mine! Whenever she posts on Facebook and I happen to be in her home, or in a photograph she is discussing, I get ‘tagged’ What the heck is that all about? I went to my nephew’s wedding, this is my sisters son, and of course, there were many pictures, some official, some not, taken during the course fo this 6 hour event. Low and behold, within 24 hours, I am all over the damn internet, and I’m receiving emails from long lost relatives and some friends too, although if they are long lost, they should remain that way, in my opinion of course, asking me how the wedding was? Do I really want all these people to know I was in London at a wedding? Do I have a choice? It seems not, and it’s only getting worse. I have a distinct aversion to being followed anywhere and everywhere I go, hence my lack of Facebook posting updates. If I wanted a bodyguard, someone who follows me everywhere, I would have hired a big muscle man with a gun, not a sister with sticky fingers who types at the speed of light and gives away all my current geographical positioning coordinates! Another thing I have grown to dislike, is the ability to find friends who have been MIA for 35 years. Suddenly, out of the blue, I will log in and that wee red light above one of the icons will be illuminated. Message!!! Excitement builds, oh yes, here it comes, it’s Joe Shmo from Glasgow or London, who I’ve not seen or heard from since I was 15 and low and behold, here he or she is, right there in black and white and often full color, asking me all these daft questions. “How’ve you been doing since we last saw one another?” How stupid is that? I mean, come on, it’s been 35 flipping years, do you want me to write a book for you? Then, after providing them with a quick update, in about three lines of course, they just bugger off into the ether, and you never hear from them again, well, at least not for another 35 years until another brainy Scotsman invents something better than the internet, and you get the same message, perhaps this time in 3D!! And yes, the Scots invented almost everything. I will one day, in the not too distant future, provide you all with a list. You’ll be amazed at how clever all us Jocks really are! So, back to Facebook, and the pictures everyone, except me, wants to look at. Always, and I mean always, the images that pass by me are amazingly sad. I look at these people from my past and think, “do I look as bad as you do?” and I am concerned that I really do!! No, Facebook is not for me, although I did buy their shares, yes, a mistake, but one never knows, and one can only live in hope, (just look at Google), but I have no incline to use Facebook on an hourly basis, or even a daily basis, and those who do, and there are nearly a billion of them, they must have nothing better to do than tell the world that they are having dinner, seeing a movie, playing golf or just plain sitting aorund trying to communicate with an invisible audience who don’t really give a hoot! Rant over!! I now desire to remain faceless and sans Facebook!