What didn’t The Scots Invent?

As promised in an earlier post, I thought I would return to the subject of what the Scots invented. We are a very innovative race, us Celts, but the Scots in particular have out done most other countries on this planet and considering there are only 5 million of us, that’s quite a feat. Most of us know the most commonly used inventions, such as

Tarmac, invented by John Louden McAdam

Penicillin, invented by Sir Alexander Flemming

The television, invented by John Logie Baird

The refrigerator, invented by William Cullen

The Bank of England and the Bank of France!

Yes, but there are hundreds more. See the link below, all things we use or have used in our lives. We are just a brilliant race, no doubt about it!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scottish_inventions_and_discoveries

BUT, it’s the inventions you don’t know about that I am here to discuss today. For example. The Forfar Bridie. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a pastry, often shaped in an oval, filled with meat and other delights. Commonly sold at football (soccer, for all you heathens!) matches in Scotland, but especially in Forfar, where Forfar Athletic grace the turf, well not exactly grace, more like toil on their own turf. Then their are Tunnocks Caramel wafers! A delicious chocolate bar which has wafer thin strips encased in caramel. Delicious! Irn Bru, commonly known as our ‘other’ national drink. A whisky colored soda, flavored like nothing else on earth and put in the stores as a teaser for all those kids who are certain to become budding alcoholics after they graduate the age of 14 and turn to the real stuff! Oh yes, and my favorite of all these food delights, Edinburgh rock! An incredible mouth watering, melting concoction of sugar, sugar and yes, you guessed it, sugar! Mmmmmm, I remember it well. But enough of these edible wonders, I know you all want to know more, so how about heart disease! Yes, the Scots invented it for sure!! We have the highest rate of heart disease on the planet, and we are damned proud of that! It’s the food, take note of all listed above. Our food is all fried, even the Mars bars, our tap water is ‘soft’, and our fish and chips, better known as a ‘fish supper’ are the best anywhere in the world. Our calorific intake is outstanding and we drink more beer per capita, and it is good beer, not this watered down crap you get in the USA, than most  of Europe combined! We are proud to have invented  several new ways to puke on a Saturday night, after consuming an average 14 pints of McEwans Larger and and Indian Vindaloo curry, and we do it in style and in unison too. We are the only race on the planet who can make the word ‘fuck’ sound nice! And, I can assure you, we invented, not only that word, but the method of decent delivery too! The Scots invented friendliness and hospitality, and you will find none better than when visiting some of the Highland towns and Lowland villages, but it’s the cities themselves who can boast the greatest invention of all, Scottish Humor! We have a knack, God given, of turning the worst situation into the funniest. We can make you laugh when all you want to do is cry, and we are blessed with this gift for what reason?? Well, when you have the chance, come and visit us, we need the money and we need fresh faces to practice on!! Yes, Scotland is a place of invention and a place that I am certainly proud to have grown up. It’s in my blood, and hopefully my blood is not as clogged as most of it’s current populous! Cheers! Slandjivaa! 

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