Chunky Soup

You remember the adverts on TV with the NFL players devouring chunky soup? You know the one. They come home from training, the mother is there with the soup on, and three huge men walk into her home and start chugging down this supposedly hearty, chunky, meat filled, veggie laden, piping hot, guaranteed to make you full, bowl of soup. Well, you also know the size of each of these well-known NFL guys, so, how many cans of soup do you think it took to fill up Donovan McNabb? Not one, and that’s a fact!

I went into a restaurant once in one of Chicago’s northern suburbs, and the whole offensive line of the Bears walked in. You could have lined up 3 of me for every one of them. I have never seen larger men, ever! Anyway, there we were at the bar, getting along famously, and my order of a T bone steak arrived. It was enormous, at least 16 oz. I had ordered before their arrival and so, while we chatted, and they ordered, there was a certain snipping coming from the right tackle, at least I think that’s what his position was. I forget his name, but he weighed in at around 290 lbs. My attention to my steak was continually broken by his snide comments and my refusal to be intimidated by his presence and this pissed him off greatly. About twenty minutes after I had consumed half my steak, the offensive line’s dinner arrived on a food truck! Each player ordered four of what I had ordered. 4 x 16 oz T bones! EACH! I slipped in a comment that was something along the lines of ‘Donovan McNab’s mother would be ashamed of you sheep shaggers” to which the guy got out of his chair, all 6’5″, headed towards me and very quietly asked,”What’s a sheep shagger?” If you don’t know this term, it’s a colloquialism in Scotland for all those who live north of the central belt and are deemed to be nothing but bored Highlanders with an infatuation for sheep, since the women are so ugly!

What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp-post in Aberdeen? A leisure center!

Back to Donovan. How much do you think he got paid to promote that soup? Do you really care? I ask the question only because I think it’s scandalous that people look at these ad’s and think to themselves that just because Donovan is eating chunky soup, we should too. The power of advertising and the power of the NFL. It reminds me of several ads I’ve seen with John Elway, Joe Thiesmann and Payton Manning. They all stand there advertising insurance, rental centers, and various other uninteresting products which have nothing whatsoever to do with football, but yet, and I piss myself laughing every time I see something like this, there they stand, in all their masculine, football warrior glory, talking crap about a product they obviously will never use, twirling a football! They have that “I’m retired” look on their faces, appart from Manning  of course, and they just have an uncomfortable stance and fake smile while the football is thrown up and down or twirled in their hands. It’s pathetic, and I always look, laugh and then laugh some more as I imagine some meat head in Phili watching this ad thinking to himself, well, duh, I am going to go and buy that insurance because Joe says it works and he has a football in in hands! Pathetic, but that’s the NFL, and that’s America. The world’s second most boring game, played to the worlds most gullible audience!

So, with all that being said, I am off to make a can of soup for dinner, the one Mrs. McNabb prefers, watch the opening NFL game of the 2012/13 season on the TV that Manning recommends, then I’ll curl up in bed and read my insurance policy, I know Joe would be impressed, and make sure that when the Cowboys win, Elway will know my bed, from the rental center, is very comfortable indeed.

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