Sweetie Crises

BIG problem round by my house. Massive issue, and one that could prove to be calamitous in the long run. I normally import my prized Cadbury Dairy milk chocolate directly from the UK. For the past 15 years, going back and forth at least three to four times a year, I was renowned for bringing in at least one full suitcase full of chocolate on each trip and then storing it in my now famed chocolate cupboard at home. One particular trip back to London was made out of pure desperation, the issue being, I had run out completely. I had a back up plan, the British Food Store, about three miles from where I now live, where I would go, only under emergency conditions due to the expense and the ignorant arsehole who owned the place, but alas, they have closed, for good!  I also had Cost Plus World Market, my secondary back up in the event of a crises, but they changed distributors and now only import Nestle, home of the Kit Kat, Aero bar and other inferior products. Don’t get me wrong, when a sweet tooth strikes, Kit Kats are perfectly acceptable, but only the ones from the UK, and not the crap you can buy over here. So if needs overcome willpower, Cost Plus is five miles away, which is close enough to be helpful and sort out my craving or addiction, which is what some believe this obsession has become.

Coming into the US, through immigration and then customs, I have often been stopped at the declaration gate. You know, the one where they always ask if you are bringing in any meats or other fresh produce? I always state quite clearly that my only possession is chocolate. When I used to own a home in London, and a home here in CA, I would travel without anything other than my brief case. My clothes for each home would lie waiting for my arrival at either end, so, when I left the UK to come back to the US, my suitcase or sometimes suitcases, would be filled with chocolate. Upon request to open said suitcases by one of our proud border patrol officials, they would be astonished when all they saw were hundreds, and I tell no lies, hundreds, of chocolate bars sparkling like diamonds from within. At SFO I soon picked up a reputation with all the officers there, and often there would be a crowd of them coming over to inspect my wares, deep in the hope that they would all get samples. No fucking chance, or NFC as we say in Scotland. The only mouth these babies were headed for, was mine!

For those of you who have never sampled Cadbury chocolate, and I’m not discussing the shite that is made under license in PA by Hershey, I urge you to drop everything, go on-line or fly to the UK, stock up, pig out and get as high as a kite on complete satisfaction. There is nothing better, there is NO finer food, there are no impostors. Cadbury is it! AND, it’s so much cheaper that marijuana!! Forget the calories, they can be burnt off in the gym, but that feeling when the Dairy Milk chocolate melts in your mouth and all you can taste is that absolutely pure milky goodness, and a wee bit of sugar, well, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Best of all is when you keep it in the fridge, pull out a giant sized bar and take a cold square in your mouth and suck it, like you would a hard candy, until it all dissolves into this milky miracle. Whoever invented my favorite thing on the planet, deserves a medal, a knighthood, and recognition from the Nobel Peace committee.

Last year, Kraft, the US based food corporation, bought out Cadbury, and since that happened all Hell has broken loose. They closed down the original factory in Bournville England, moving production to their now new plant in Poland. God knows why they did this, after issuing promise after promise that this could and would never happen, but they did it, without batting an eyelid. And that, I believe, is where my current issues arose. Since this decision, their supply chain into the US marketplace has diminished considerably. Those who can get supplies are charging outrageously high prices for this product line and that, my friends is why I am blogging about my addiction today. I have run out of chocolate, of Cadbury, of my daily treat!! I have spent all afternoon surfing the internet (forget porn, that takes a backseat to chocolate) in order to replenish my stock to a comfortable level, until I make my next trip to the UK in November. My sister who lives in the UK is arriving in October, but she refuses to bring me anything but a small bag full of Dairy Milk and Giant Buttons. How inconsiderate! After all I’ve done for her! Remind me not to leave her any of my stash in my will.

My clients love to receive care packages filled with the different types of chocolate that Cadbury make. I have been known to appear on the campus of a famous sports brand located in OR, and within minutes been made to feel like the second coming of Elvis, with the crowds forming to retrieve their favorite goodies before everything is snatched up. It’s amazing what a sweet tooth can do for a business relationship! It also has it’s health benefits, chocolate that is. Just Google it, and you’ll see. They say it might even prevent strokes! The way I’m feeling today though, if I don’t manage to get my supply levels up, I might end up having a stroke!

I eat roughly six bars a day. Yep, you read that correctly. It’s become a staple. Forget veggies, if I don’t have my chocolate, my Cadbury, the whole world knows about it. One day, a very long time ago, I believed I might be addicted, so I stopped eating it. I managed to go three whole years without a single bite, and then I realized that I wasn’t addicted, I just loved the taste and the satisfaction is gave me. Some might say that IS addiction, but not me. I can stop any time I want, cold turkey. Can you? Let me know if you try it, tell me if you love it, but most of all, just tell me I’m not crazy! Roll on November. There are two of us going back to London, so double the inventory and double the fun, also double the pleasure, which, in the end, really is all mine!

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