I was sitting down in front of my TV set on Christmas day. I had already walked the dog her customary and now daily, 8 miles and decided that since the movie I’d booked tickets to see didn’t start until 12.15, a wee look at what was going on in the world wouldn’t go amiss.
Channel surfing on Christmas day is tedious. The 450 or so stations we receive on the TV at home broadcast nothing but crap on this particular day, including all those movie channels that I pay a small fortune for, supposedly to be entertained, but the fact of the matter is, there is certainly more entertainment in watching me go ballistic when I receive the bill for all these movie channels, then there is on the damn TV itself. Case in point, 9 AM on Christmas morning, I could watch every movie on the planet that I had never heard of, that never made it to the big screen and in fact, never made it to DVD! A ridiculous choice awaited my twitchy fingers, as they pushed every button known to mankind, in the hope that something, no, ANYTHING, would pop up and hit me in the face with a huge, “Yes, this is what I want to watch” sensation. But alas, nothing, not a single show, not one sports channel, and not even a cartoon to wet my viewing taste buds. But wait!! What was that? I stopped dead in my surfing tracks. “It can’t be?” I thought. And yet, there it was, right there on channel 706, and in HD. A Yule Log, in all it’s glory, just burning away inside my flat screen, without warmth, but accompanied by a host of wonderful, and I use that term in a most sarcastic of manners, Christmas music, old and new. NO FUCKING WAY!!!! Yep, it was true, I had found my nirvana. I sat, stunned, gazing in amazement and in complete amusement, as the flames burned bright in my now wide open and certainly wide away, eyeballs. A Yule log!!! This had to be an interlude, a break of some kind, while regular programming was restored? But no, on the guide, it clearly stated, Christmas Day Yule Log, with music! ‘Let me get this right’, I thought, as I sat back in fits of laughter, none of which could be heard by my guests, all fast asleep and completely unaware of my incredible find. “This is madness, and has to be a mistake?” But no, I’d double checked the guide and low and behold, my Log was going to be available for me to watch, right through until December 26th! Commercial free!!!!!! Forget Les Miserables, I was all set. A whole day watching the flames of channel 706 waft into an imaginary atmosphere No chance that this could affect global warming? And what could possibly follow my Yule Log? Perhaps a goldfish bowl? No, this was certainly heaven. With the crackling of wood, and a desire to fall asleep in my new MAN chair, that reclined to about 180*, what more could any human being want? Oh, I know, a Christmas present, all wrapped up in nice fancy Christmas paper. Great idea? Yep, and one I have never understood. Picture the scene in almost every home around the western world. A tree, or perhaps not, with many gifts, all placed strategically in order of importance, depending on whether you’ve been naughty or nice. These gifts are of course, all wrapped beautifully, until? Well until the greed begins, and after spending hours making sure the gift wrap is just perfect, in seconds, it’s all ripped away and discarded, and then sent to landfill, where in turn, it rots, and creates more issues for the planet’s ecological uncertainty, until someone on channel 706 decided that he would save the world by putting a Yule Log on TV, erasing all CO2 issues that any wrapping paper decay would have started in the first place!!! What a man he was. We should award him the nobel prize for environmental common sense. And then there are all those nice green Christmas trees, you know, the one’s that are seen on the roof of every SUV that has passed you on the road, between the 31st November and the 23rd December. Why oh why do we, as a nation, allow people to chop down trees that will be eventually discarded onto the curbside, in favor of more CO2 gas in our atmosphere, because there aren’t enough trees on the planet to consume the excess CO2 in the first place? Are we that stupid? These trees look great in our homes for 10 days and then, as you drive down every road in this area where I now live, you see one tree after another, still in there full green glory, just waiting to be collected by the garbage crews, to then be taken to a recycling plant, turned into mulch, which in turn comes back to sit in our gardens until it too has served its purpose and is blown away, either by those daft gardeners with their fancy blow machines, or gale force winds, that will take each piece and carry them all over town, and eventually back to the garbage dumps…… Well, you get the message?
And so, the new year has begun, and we are off and running into 2013. What will this year have in store for us? Who knows, who cares, and in ten years from now, who will actually remember? Well, I am off to channel surf to see if I can find a station that has a vehicle that can drive me out of this life and into one which is covered in sanity and not wastefulness.
Happy New Year to you all.