I arrived here, all excited, ready to relax, hoping for three or four days of pure bliss. Maui, ready and waiting, though very cloudy. ‘No worries’, I was reassured time and time again, ‘it will soon clear out and sunshine will once again be the order of the day.’ But first things first, a massive line for the rental car avoided by some true Scottish guile and some amazing chutzpah, a two-hour saving at least, and parked safely inside my 8 passenger mini van, it was onwards to Wal-Mart, and places beyond, ready, so ready for a nice wee break by the ocean.
Wal-Mart on a Sunday in Kahului around noon time. Picture this. A line to get a parking spot, a line for the bank situated inside the main entrance, a line for the McDonald’s, situated right next to the line for the bank and an even larger line to check out, situated right next to…… Well you get the idea, right? Up and down the aisles, hundreds of locals were clearing out shelves of anything they could get their hands on, faster than those same shelves could be restocked! It was incredible. “This is obviously the place to shop” I thought to myself, as I placed a 6 pack of water into my cart, turned a corner and bumped straight into 4 very large Hawaiian ladies coming in the opposite direction. Their conversation was riveting, well, not really, but it seemed that way as I slid one way then the other in order to avoid a full on collision. Me against them? No contest. I would have been flattened. Eventually, cart complete and ready to go, I slipped gingerly into a shortish line, only to have my line Karma fulfilled once again. First it was Hertz, now Wal-Mart, as that lovely lady appeared out of nowhere, ushering me into her brand new empty line where she was about to begin her 6 hour shift. I didn’t have the heart to ask her if she was part of the employee law suit against her bosses, her fake smile was the only indication I required to show she was ready and willing to go home before her day had even commenced.
Back in my mini van and pedal to the metal, an enthralling 40 MPH was achieved as I hurtled relentlessly towards the Marriott Maui Beach Club in Lahaina, fully stocked, fully stoked and about to be made fully aware of just how Hawaii is being secretly targeted by our government and by all our national TV stations.
Hawaii, often referred to as “Paradise” by those who live there and most who visit, is anything but. The population is growing, and not just in numbers, it seems that every time I come here I see human being larger than life and much larger that their height/weigh ratio suggests. This, along with the overweight and definitely aging visitors who flock from all around the globe, meets for an interesting people watching experience and now, with the advent of our ‘tattoo nation’, there are even more reasons just to sit and ogle the freak show that has become ‘Paradise Lost” That being said, the sunsets are still magnificent, the views incredible and the topography and geology, just out of the world, literally.
Having settled in to my hotel room after a two-hour wait for the room to be become ready, (my line Karma deserting me in favor of yet another Marriott hotel screw up), the three-hour time difference, the heat and the fact that San Fran were playing live in the Sunday night football game, made for a great excuse to shower, chill out and watch a few minutes of sport before retiring to bed for the night. San Francisco were way ahead in the game, in fact it seemed to be a completely one-sided match, so I switched the channel from NBC to ABC, to see if there was anything better to watch. What hit me first, and not as suddenly as it should have, was that every single commercial at every break in the show that was playing was advertising some kind of drug. It really didn’t hit home until I began to count the Ad’s and make notes of what was being sold to me on this small screen. It went something like this.
Zantac for ant acid or acid reflux
Androgel for low testosterone
Lyrica for diabetic nerve pain
Abilify for adult depression
Cymbalta, again for depression.
And this was only the first commercial break. The second followed a similar pattern, and every break thereafter. It seemed there was nothing else being advertised on ABC, other than the occasional diaper or local surf and dive shop. I changed the channel and went back to the ‘blow out’ football game on NBC. Waiting patiently for the next commercial break, which if you watch all these shitty American sports, you’ll know they happen at least twice in every 90 seconds of every game, if not more. That’s the issue with American sports. They are built around advertising and not the other way round. Let’s make a play and have a TV break! I took out my pen and paper and began to make notes as the commercials ran their course. Yet again,
Chantix to help quit smoking
Requip to treat muscle spasms related to Parkinson’s
Cialis for ED
All the above were followed by the usual disclaimers. “Don’t take these meds if you get a sore throat, itchy balls, runny eyes, have a heart attack, smell funny, can’t sleep, get an overly large erection, etc etc. You know the one’s I’m talking about. All rattled off in the time it takes to swallow one of their incredibly ‘bad for you’ pills.
And they kept on rolling. It was amazing, I couldn’t believe that this was actually happening. What on earth was going on here? Hawaii was being targeted by every major drug company in the USA. Not just targeted, but brain washed. Any Hawaiian watching these commercials, and believe me, most people do watch intently, would have to think that they were in need of a complete drug makeover and that a visit to their GP would be the order of the day come Monday morning. There was a pill and a cream for everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, other than how to get rid of the crappy adverts for the pills they were insisting you take. It was sad in a way that everyone tuning into these TV stations was being bombarded with nothing but drug related product, all advertised under the guise of ‘scientific life improvement’, only in San Fran, where I live, the variation of products advertised is completely different and even though drug related Ad’s are prevalent, they are in no way as common as they were on this particular night in Hawaii.
Do the Hawaiian’s need more drugs than any other state? Well I think that was a question that needed to be asked. Hawaii is often referred to as an ideal spot to live life in peace and in happiness. It didn’t come across that way to me as each Ad rolled off the screen screaming, ‘take me’ and pleading for participants in a new game called ‘let’s all be druggies’. Baffling, truly baffling. And when it was all over and the 49’rs had won the football game, my mind flipped back to that Wal-Mart and the rush to ‘clear’ the shelves of everything that seemed edible. Perhaps the locals had a ploy to eat, drink and then be drugged or perhaps it was just a silent reminder that although pretty, relaxing and certainly a joy to visit for a short period of time, Hawaii is just like any other state in the union, filled with gullible fat people whose health is dependent on drugs that do more harm than good and a diet in overdrive which has created a TV/video game laziness and an ignorance for the good old-fashioned idea of getting outside and enjoying the islands for what they give out naturally, fresh air and a desire to live life!