Canonized Courtesy Of Cannon!

downloadTwo billion people are expected to watch the new Pope Francis canonize two former Popes this weekend. They will become saints, though for just what reason, I still fail to understand. As one American lady put it when being interviewed on the local news station last night, “I was abused by our priest, (well join the club lady), and Pope JP 2 had every opportunity to acknowledge the extent of abuse that was rife within the Catholic church for many years, perhaps hundreds of years, and chose not to do anything about it.” So true madam, so true! And the other Pope, John the 23rd, didn’t actually become a Pope until he was 76, but he’s credited with revolutionizing the Catholic church, though quite how, I fail to understand. In any event, the two Popes, popular to say the least, are, so I’m told, worthy beyond doubt and very deserved of this sainthood, something that’s never happened in the history of the church where 2 living Popes will ordain 2 dead ones. Tit for tat I’m sure.

With politics and religious bias put to one side, the thing that caught my eye when I was reading through the timing of events and what this event really entails is that it’s actually sponsored by more than 10 major corporations! Sponsored!! Yes, you read that right. The corrupt Catholic nation, with over 1 billion of its followers living below the poverty line, and with the Pope living in the richest city/country on earth, had gone beneath what I would call dignity and sold its soul to corporate sponsors! It’s beyond doubt that from the direction the church has decided to take, they are pandering not only to a world driven by advertising and (Pop)e Culture, they are demeaning the good name of the church by taking on board corporations run by people who have no interest in religion, no interest on the canonization process and no interest in anything other than how to get more bang for their buck. Spreading their gospel through TV advertising, billboards and the like, how do you think Jesus would have felt about this? How would the two dead Popes feel? They gave their lives, so to speak, for the good of their faith, and now their faith is repaying them by canonizing them for the price of a bar of soap? I could go on and on here, having a field day out of their complete disregard for the Catholic faith. Whoever decided to go down this road knew exactly what they were doing and exactly where the cash from all the sponsorship will be placed. Can we expect Sunday mass without donation boxes? Can we hope that holy water will be given to all who wish to partake, free of charge? Will confession come with a rebate coupon? Who knows.

The main sponsors of this gigantic event are, Nestle, closely followed by Italian oil and gas giants ENI and Enel. There are 12 more, to boot and some, including Nestle who are Swiss, are from other countries outside of Italy. We all know Nestle is Swiss and we all know the Pope is guarded by a regiment of Swiss guards. I am asking this with a straight face, so don’t laugh, will Nestle be providing their chocolate bars to every recipient of that very same Swiss guard who willingly gives a blow job to some horny priest? Two blow jobs for a box of Maltesers! A good deal for a billion dollar sponsorship scheme. Nestle can only win!

With all that in mind and the fact that tomorrow, Sunday April 27th is the big day, I came up with other companies who might want to jump on the “Sponsor a Pope” bandwagon.

Orville Redenbacher would run commercials for Pope-Corn

Ben and Jerry would be Popesicles

Johnson and Johnson, a family company could do Pope-purri

The local Indian restaurant would be selling Pope-adoms

And finally, before you switch me off, everyone in attendance should receive a free giveaway of a Pope on a rope to cleanse themselves of all their sins!

Yes the world has changed since Mother Theresa was required to show that she was a saint by all the miracles she performed. Now it seems the only miracle required is that of financial capitulation. Why don’t they just name all the ex-Pope’s saints? There could be a canonization every Sunday, broadcast live during football, ice hockey or Basketball games, guaranteeing at least double the revenue. We could anticipate a 30 second spot on one of the major networks to run at more than just a wing and a quick prayer. It could be great fun too. The announcer stating clearly that so and so is now ordained a saint and they break to a commercial for Halo, the X box game!

Anyway, good luck with your service tomorrow and to all you believers out there, how on earth can you do anything else but laugh? I rarely mock anyone with sincere beliefs, but the sincerity for me left this show the moment this new Pope, pope-d up and declared it common practice to sell his soul for rock and roll, oh, and a Twinkie too!





2 thoughts on “Canonized Courtesy Of Cannon!

  1. “And the other Pope, John the 23rd, didn’t actually become a Pope until he was 76, but he’s credited with revolutionizing the Catholic church, though quite how, I fail to understand”
    It’s called the Second Vatican Council. John XXIII called it in 1959.

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