#SoldOut Raising Funds and Awareness

I recall many years ago standing on the terraces at Hampden Park, Glasgow with 145,000 other rabid fans, waiting for the teams to come out of the tunnel to begin the annual Scotland v England ‘Home International’ football,(soccer), game. There would always be 140,000 Scots and about 5,000 English fans in attendance. As a Scot, born and bred, I was brought up, just like the majority of others who were standing around me, to ‘hate’ the English with a vengeance. It was just part of our parochial culture at that time, and probably still is today, although I have not lived in Scotland for 40 years and with the demise of Scottish football and an awareness that political correctness is now the order of the day, perhaps the ferocity of that hatred has mellowed. The two teams, now standing in the center of the field, would face the main stand, where all the dignitaries were seated, and the British national anthem would begin, God Save the Queen. This was before the Scots were allowed to sing their own anthem, a change in protocol that occurred some years later. The band, yes, a real brass or bagpipe band, would strike up the first chord and immediately there would be a wall of noise emanating from the Scottish support just booing as loud as possible at the UK anthem. It completely drowned out the band and any semblance they had in mind of being heard as a unit. We hated that anthem, supposedly, and we all gave it little or indeed no respect. Within seconds, our vocal distaste of everything that the British Monarchy stood for was demonstrated by this blasphemous howling and booing which seemed to last an eternity, but which in fact lasted only about 120 seconds, the length of the British national anthem being quite short. Once over, the game began and the fact that 140,000 Scottish football fanatics had remonstrated vocally against our forced inclusion under the monarchy we all loved, or at least some of us loved, was soon forgotten as the football took over and blood and guts was then spilled on the field of play rather than on the streets of Glasgow. It should also be noted that while the anthem was sung by the players on the field from the England team, all the Scottish team just stood in silence, some smiling, some not, but to a tee, not one of the Scottish team would sing along. It was an unwritten rule, followed religiously. Silent protests against supposed oppression, acceptable and respected throughout the world. No harm done, no one to cry foul. Until now!

When Colin Kaepernick knelt down for the Star Spangled Banner whilst playing for the San Francisco 49rs some two years ago, the whole world, at least the world that surrounded American Football and Donald Trump, went berserk, and for what reason? Well as far as I can tell, the National Anthem was never played at any sporting event before the end of the second world war. And even after that, there were sports events in the USA where the anthem remained just a figment of everyone’s imagination, laying silent as battle commenced on the field of play. So why, all of a sudden, after Kaepernick and some of his fellow Pro’s decided to protest, quite justifiably in silence to make what has turned out to be a very relevant point on an issue that has haunted this country for generations, has the President of the United States and the owners of some of the football teams where protests have been continual and well publicized, lost the plot by telling players they will be fired if they continue to ‘abuse their privilege’? There is not one reason on earth why anyone should be forced to alter their beliefs, especially those who feel threatened or abused and more especially inside a country that not only preaches pure democracy and a right to free speech to the whole planet, but a country that encourages its populous to be vocal in the form of protest when under threat of unjustifiable racism. Racism is rife in America. You can smell it in the streets, it’s a pollution that has become silent in its poisoning of its population. Racism cannot be tolerated, hatred of anyone, any race, any creed and any color has to be kicked out, but, unfortunately, and in the opinion of this author, it’s just being swept under an already filthy carpet, where, when the dust is uncovered, it becomes a mountain of trash that is becoming ever worse and unstoppable, fueled by a President and government that just turns a blind eye and looks the other way whilst telling us all, quite disingenuously that there is absolutely nothing wrong! Well, not much!

My guitar teacher Tony, remember him from the first article I wrote last week, inspired me to make the lapel pins you see in the image above. The players protesting and following in the footsteps of Kaepernick, have a right to do so. It’s not disrespectful, it’s poignant, it’s their human right, it’s peaceful and most importantly, it’s something they believe in. However, it seems if these protests carry on players will be fired or, and I say this with the utmost respect, the President will have to intervene personally, something not one of us would like to see happen.

With all of this in mind, I have this idea, not only to raise the awareness to a very great cause, but to raise money for charities associated with racism and the profound effect that racism still holds on our society. The #SOLDOUT will soon display the pins pictured above for sale, to make people aware that there is genuine suffering out there, whether it be in the murdering of Jews in Pittsburgh, or the simplicity of daily senseless traffic stops on innocent African Americans, it matters not. We have a right to protest, so by wearing this pin, our protests shall be seen, and by the money we raise, out protests shall be heard.

Keep reading this blog for more updates and check out our Instagram #soldout to get your pin.

If there are any athletes, well known or otherwise and or charities, who would like to be considered as spokes people for this idea, please get in touch. Colin Kaepernick, if you read this please know that I have tried in many different ways to contact you because I believe you should lead this movement, but to date, no response.

Thank you everyone.

#Sold Out

I have a music teacher, his name is Tony. Tony is black and adopted. He is 25. His mother and father are white. His real mother and father are no longer alive. He comes from Texas, lives now in California and was educated at Julliard in New York. Tony is a fine upstanding citizen, a musical genius and a pleasure to be around. I’ve known him for two years, and not once in that time had we ever discussed race, or the place it plays in US society. Not once, until last year, when all the American Football players began to kneel during the national anthem before their games began. We were sitting playing guitars, strumming away to AC/DC Back in Black, when suddenly I turned round to him and asked this very question.

“Tony, be honest with me, very honest, no BS. You’re black, you’re African-American, and you’ve seen what’s going on in this country for the past months with all the athletes kneeling during the national anthem. You’ve seen what Black Lives Matter have been saying and doing, you’ve witnessed at first hand how this country is so divided, but have you personally ever suffered any kind of racial abuse, either growing up or since you moved to CA a few years ago?”

When I asked this question I was somewhat convinced that just like everything else we read or see on TV, the bias towards sensationalism in our media far in a way outweighed the reality of life. I fully expected Tony to turn round and tell me that most of what we were looking at on TV was stage-managed to drum up support for factions in society that had nothing better to do than create issues that really didn’t assist in the harmonic bliss I seemed to live with on a daily basis. How wrong and how naive was I. This is what Tony said to me.

” Alan, I have lived 25 years, in Texas, New York and now CA. In all 3 States I lived in nice middle class suburban areas, other than in NY where Manhattan is as diverse as it comes and everyone seems very wealthy. Let me tell you how life really is if you’re black. Let me also tell you how I have seen it, living with white parents, white students and now in a predominantly white middle class area here in Orange County. Let me also tell you that what I am about to say is not at all exaggerated. It’s the truth. After you listen, you can then decide who is embellishing the truth.” He looked at me straight in the eye and then he began.

“I drive a great car, a Ford Mustang Shelby. I drive it everywhere because there’s no public transportation down here in OC. Do you know I get stopped by the cops at least twice a week? Do you know why I get stopped? I don’t speed, I don’t do anything illegal, I just get pulled over. It doesn’t matter if I am here in Laguna, or in long Beach or up in LA. I get stopped, and every time it’s the same nonsense.

” You’re joking?” I said, not quite believing what he was saying.

He continued.

” I am a music teacher, I drive to schools, I drive to people’s homes, white people, Chinese people, brown people, black people. It doesn’t matter. If I pass a cop, especially where schools are located, they will come from nowhere, lights flashing, pull me over and ask me why I am where I am. It happens so regularly now that I know the drill off pat. I stop, put my hands where they can be seen, wait for the cops to come to my window and I stay silent until they ask me the very same question every single time.”

“What question Tony?” I asked.

“What are you doing here son?”

“Son??” I laughed

“Yes. SON!. No respect. As soon as I tell them I am a music teacher with clients in the neighborhood, as soon as they see my guitar, my books and my other instruments, they very quickly and impolitely step away and wave me off as if I’m a piece of dirt they’d just happened to get stuck on the side of their highly polished shoes, and without apology, send me on my way”

Well Tony’s story blew me away. It got me thinking that I really knew nothing about the racism that people were going through on a daily basis and that being closeted, very comfortably, in a predominantly white are with predominantly white friends and a very white attitude, was so far from reality, that I had to take action. I had to find a vehicle to show my support for the black community and all the black friends I had. It was time to do something to raise awareness, time to react and time to make a statement that will never be forgotten.

At the top of this page you’ll find a lapel pin design. In my next post, later this week, I will send out more information on a campaign I am going to run in conjunction with some major athletes in the USA to raise awareness for a cause that most of you know is already rife in our society. A cause that millions of people suffer from each and every day in a country where everyone is supposedly equal but as I have come to find out, where no one actually is.

#SOLDOUT

Yep, Here They Come

One by one now they will answer that call. The call of insincerity, the call to power, a call to govern and be remembered as the one and only President of the United States. The question is, who are they and why should we believe they will be any better that the lame duck we have at this present time? We all know who Hillary is, and bar an international incident where she shoves her private Blackberry up Putin’s arse, (we all live in hope), we know she will run in 2016. But what about the other side, the good guys with all the bad ideas? They think they know better, they think Obama’s inconsistent government has given them an opportunity to reform our once proud country. Are they right? Only time will tell, but if Jeb or Rand or Chris, et al, decide this job is for them, will they too end up grey, battered and bruised and also lame? Of course they will. That’s the unfortunate way this country runs. Get in, get out, build your library and walk into a sunset, often clouded with the pollution of poor decision-making and bad judgement, to make over $100,000 per speech at dinners and fund-raisers. Oh how stupid we all are.

They say downloadmore than 6 will throw their hats in for the Republican nomination, and I really think it will be 8 or more. The problem is, are any of them truly worthy of that nomination? If we look back in anger at those who we have voted for in the past, other than Clinton, perhaps Reagan, have we at all been impressed with anything to have come out of such closely fought elections over the past 50 years? Not me. I think each President has brought about his own demise through insincerity, inaction and a great inability to communicate with modern society. Look at Sen. Cruz for example. He’s led off the flurry that is sure to follow with his right-wing Christian beliefs, all wrapped up in a nice bow called elitism. The man who stood for 21 hours reading Green Eggs and Ham now wants to negotiate Middle East peace? Come on Sen. Cruz, get a grip. Go back to Texas or where ever it is you are from and get a proper job. Then you have Gov Christie. Surely, and I mean this sincerely and without bias, his obesity and his desire to kiss Jerry Jones at every opportunity will lead to an instant demise should he win the country over? The fact of the matter is, there is no outstanding candidate on the Republican side who would stand a chance against Hillary or any of her cohorts.

So here we go, it’s March 2015, we have 18 months to sit and listen to all this crap, to watch billions of dollars get washed down a drain called popular misconception and at the end of the day what happens? We get a man or a woman, (and I pray this time we get someone who can make a decision), who will take office, become older and grayer, do very little outside of raising more money for the next time an election comes round and then, as I so eloquently put it, fuck off from whence he or she came. Do me a favor, don’t watch, don’t listen, don’t vote and then don’t complain, because if you do, you are just pandering to their every desire and their very inflated alter ego’s, an ego which is turbo charged until they too end up in a gutter like the rest of us, complaining that it wasn’t their fault defeat landed right bang smack in the middle of their total inadequacy to relate to what is really going on in the United States of America. They have no fucking clue, they never will have and the sad thing is, they don’t care, none of them, not one. We are alone people. Not one of our current or future politicians care about you or me. They are all self-centered, power grabbing ego maniacs who are so out of touch with modern-day society that if a solution stared them right in their own face they’s ignore it in favor of deferring to another non answer.

The time is now. Let’s change America. Let’s not give any of this moronic crowd the benefit of the doubt. They are all wankers, each and every one. Let’s try to find someone, anyone, who can stand up and say quite honestly, “I am one of you!” I know it’s an unlikely scenario, but we have to try. Fill the position with normality for once or I’m telling you, in four years, eight years and even sixteen years from now, we will be so much worse of then we are today.

Rant over! I am off to watch Obama play golf yet again!

Ferguson, What’s Wrong With America.

download“Let’s go burn a few buildings, police cars and stores to the ground” The battle cry that seemed to ring round the small town of Ferguson last night as the Grand Jury announced their verdict. I was watching it all unfold live on CNN, and frankly it made for compelling viewing from the moment Bob McCulloch took to the podium some 15 minutes late, until the first canister of tear gas rolled into the CNN crew who were in the streets covering that inevitable aftermath. I thought I was watching the beginning of a return to the 1960’s, a kind of Back To the Future, played out live in 2014. But then I thought about it, and realized, with a certain amount of foreboding, that the United States of America hasn’t ever actually left the torrid 1960’s and this ‘excuse’ for stupid and often ignorant people to make trouble at the drop of a hat or in this case, drop of a verdict, is nothing more than an easy way to obtain a materialistic advantage during chaos and unrest while most of us sit at home watching in disbelief. After all, free booze, free TV’s and the opportunity to burn buildings, police cars and attack innocent people, doesn’t come along every day! Or does it?

Was the carnage observed last night, today and in the past few months, a ploy, orchestrated by those in authority or was it simply a frustration built up over time by the perpetrators who walked freely, unchallenged and with so much confidence through Ferguson, ready and willing to destroy everything in front of them? Well, let’s think about that.

The verdict came down yesterday morning, or so we are told? If indeed that’s accurate, then why did the whole country have to wait until it was dark and well into the witching hour, 8PM to be precise, to hear what that verdict was? Wouldn’t it have been much easier to release the news during the day when most people, and I include those who created the troubles, are at work or have much better things to do than run through pitch black streets relentlessly carving up the society in which they belong? The nighttime, as we all know, seems to bring out the worst in people dead set in causing trouble, whether they be sober, drunk, horny, greedy or just plainly moronic. Therefore my question is, was this a deliberate ploy by the authorities to make themselves look whiter than white by announcing at 8PM what they knew would be a damaging and disrespectful verdict to at least half the populous, knowing full well that their subsequent actions would lead to rioting and enable them to stand up and say,”I told you so, these people are nothing but thugs and their actions are what triggered this situation for our Police department in the first place?”

Don’t discount the other facts. Although there were over 1000 police and national guard representatives on the streets last night, they were conspicuous in their absence. Where were they? I could see some at the police station, some at the courthouse, but where were they when the Dollar Tree was being looted, the Metro PCS store being burned down and the liquor store emptied? Nowhere to be seen.  When the CNN reported was hit on her head by a rock and then pelted by the crowd nearby as she filmed, where was the protection those officers had sworn to give? Nowhere to be seen! When Obama and the Brown family came on live TV to plead for calm, why was their plea ignored? The answer is simple. We have a government that is led by a lame duck President who has the lowest popularity rating of any President in living memory and even though he’s black, black and white alike, both despise his lack of leadership therefore his plea was completely ignored. You also have to take a look at the rioting demographic. A lot of those involved came from out of State. So what, I hear you say? The so-called experts on CNN made the comment, “what does it matter where they come from? An injustice can be felt anywhere in this country and people are free to come and protest wherever they want” WRONG!!!! Why would anyone drive 800 miles from Chicago to stand in Ferguson unless they have prior intent to make nothing but trouble? People in Chicago also protested and didn’t feel the need to make that long journey just to steel TV’s and booze in Ferguson!

There is so much more to all of this than meets they eye and so much racial tension in this country that everyone just wants to ignore until something like this shooting allows that tension to raise its ugly head yet again. Just when you think things are going smoothly and that everyone in this country can sit down and be brother and sister, as 9/11 proved we can, it all goes to Hell in 5 minutes, and just for the sake of making Hell watchable, live on national TV. And then there are the celebrities. Check out some of their Tweets, although why anyone Tweets at all is completely beyond my comprehension. From Katie Perry to LeBron, all chiming in with their ten cents worth. Stay out of it morons, this is not your fight. This is a situation that is highly charged, highly political and absolutely disgusting. I don’t care that you are directing your ‘prayers’ all the way from CA to Ferguson Katie P, go sing something nice and then go back to your mansion and live your life. When have you ever had to want for anything let alone be involved in a riot brought on by ingrained racial extremities and tension?

People who create chaos and trouble should be punished. Why are we innocent bystanders, the ones who suffer in the long run by feeling insanely helpless by not being able to instill our calm, non racial personalities upon those who seem only to have a chip on their shoulders, intent on bringing anarchy to our streets and and making us think that we should be with them and NOT against them? The Police officer shot a man who he believed was a criminal. Rightly or wrongly, if you took away his gun and the guns of those who want to commit crime, perhaps, just perhaps, Ferguson would not have burned down last night because no one would have died? But, as we all know, that’s a completely different discussion!

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Cowboys In Suits, Not Jeans

downloadLast night Levi’s, based right here in San Francisco, announced they were laying off over 800 workers, mostly management positions, to save money. When I heard this I was blown away, perhaps shocked would be language more suited to this news story. My immediate thoughts went to those who are now going to join the ranks of our unemployment lines, growing larger and larger every day. My next thought was, “shit, this company must be in big trouble if they fired so many so quickly!”  And after pondering the question of ‘if Levi’s go out of business where will I buy my jeans?’ for about ten seconds, it hit me, and it hit me hard.

You guys just spent $220 million for the naming rights to the new San Francisco football stadium which opens up in about 12 weeks time, so what on earth are you thinking about by firing 800 people??

It made no sense to me. Again, typifying the attitude I have found in the United States by putting football, a stupidly overrated American sport, before human lives. So, 800 families are about to be put through seemingly endless torture and suffering and the 49’rs football team will benefit from these families misfortune? Farcical.

Who makes these decisions? What benefit can Levi’s, and all those other companies who’ve spent a trillion dollars naming breeze block edifices across the country, possibly gain by spending their profits, or perhaps lack of, on signage instead of humanity. The very people who assisted in getting them into a position of being able to afford such signage from the beginning? The world is screwed up when $220 million is spent by those advertising cowboys who wear suits, not jeans. Tell me I’m nuts. Tell me $220 million is worth every penny spent. Tell me I have no appreciation of the ‘real’ world out there, but when you tell me all these things, tell it to those who today, find themselves kicked gloriously to the curbside in favor of bragging rights.

Levi’s you should be ashamed.

 

Mob Rules

IMG_0205As you step out of the taxi onto East Stewart Ave situated in the older part of Las Vegas, the one thing that hits you straight in the face is an incredible silence. Having just driven up from ‘the strip’ where continual noise bombardment sometimes becomes intolerable, this is paradise. Surrounded by older buildings, some in desperate need of renovation, some already renovated, it was abundantly clear to me that this part of Vegas was where the ‘poorer’ people came to gamble, and also to stay. With hotels dating back 50 years or more and streets that felt like they belonged in the wild west, not modern-day Vegas, I was amazed to see a line, longer than that at any casino buffet I’d visited, spread some 200 meters down a sidewalk that was littered with the smell of gangsters, both past and present. Yes, here I was, outside the famous, or should I say infamous, Mob Museum of Las Vegas.

Lansky, Siegel, et al, captured within these very walls, walls I was about to explore and to enjoy, but first I had to navigate this inconceivable line that I hadn’t planned for nor expected. I was grateful to have purchased tickets in advance and with one foul swoop, I exposed my Press pass to the lady at the end of the line and was immediately ushered inside the front door and ahead of all who were left gazing at me from street level. It’s amazing what an accent and a Press pass can actually achieve.

I had been told by a friend that her father spent hours meandering through this museum, and although at first glance the building itself didn’t look that large, my excitement had my mind raring to go and as soon as my wrist band was attached, I was off! I had been informed that the line outside was because it was Valentines Day and that massacre we all know about, depicted in movies and documentaries, was being celebrated this very morning, along with demonstrations by an FBI weapons expert on how a Tommy Gun used in that very same massacre was preserved and then restored into full working order. How exciting, especially if you are a would be criminal! I just couldn’t wait. After all, what man in his right mind wouldn’t want to fire a used Tommy gun? Ah, the second amendment! Pure heaven!!

And so off I went, inside an elevator taking me to straight the top floor, which was number three to be exact, where the exhibition began and then meandered downwards towards the lobby and that inevitable gift shop we always have to endure as we exit any theme park or museum on the planet.

With so many others joining in on this Valentines day, it was a priority for me to get in front of the mob, ( get it??), and into pole position inside the exhibit hall. I didn’t want to be stuck behind some know-all who read every word on every board. You know that type? Lip reading until they need Blistex! To do this required serious stealth and navigation skills along with a desire to win a race that no one else wanted to lose. I was out, free, and ready to barge into anyone I didn’t care for or who just got in my way! The first corner came easily, passing at least 20 of my new-found foe. I was on a roll. And then, just around that next bend, where a picture of Sinatra, Moretti and Tarantino came ever so close to being toppled by my unsociable vortex, there it was! Right in front of me. THE electric chair, or at least a version of it. In the flesh, close up and ready for use. So, why not give it a spin? And I did, quickly, but with just enough hesitation to not only take the picture above, but to also feel panic in my wee breastie, that this antique had actually fried more than one despicable criminal. Imagining what it might be like to be sitting there watched by 20 or so friends, family and haters, brought chills to my whole body. But, in the flash of another camera’s lens and the desire to be out of here before the first Tommy gun bullet could be fired, I was up and running once again, heading right towards the stairwell that would take me down one level and without a doubt, a massive stones throw away from anyone who might have the same inclination as I, to finish first!

The second floor was all about the FBI and with the crowd still upstairs, the coast was clear for me to zoom round without hesitation and fear of being trapped. Within 10 minutes I was on the ground floor and headed straight for that dreaded gift shop. I purchased a great book filed with Mob humor, signed by the author and after entering the building at 10 15 am, finally made my way outside, fully satisfied that my mission had been accomplished, at 11 am. 45 minutes to go from top to bottom. 45 minutes that could have probably been 30 if the crowds had been thinner on that top floor and I hadn’t stopped to buy the book. Once you’ve seen Al Capone lying dead in one picture, you’ve seen them all. No need to wander or indeed dawdle, just get in and get out and get back to reality.

Reality came in the form of Chris and Jane. See picture below. They were doing their best to celebrate Valentines day in as flamboyant a way as their fruit and veg stall at the Farmers market would allow. Not married, not divorced and not even dating, their purpose? Well they had decided that if they couldn’t get to the Mob museum for the free champagne and Tommy gun demo, then they would portray their own version of Bonnie and Clyde live and in person and for the whole world to laugh at. After all, this was Vegas and Elvis, along with about a thousand other dead Mafioso, had definitely left the building! If you do end up visiting Vegas and have any incline to go see that the Mob used to rule, be prepared for a short trip and certainly not a full day out. Perhaps you too can go dressed like Chris and Jane and perhaps you too will end up on that wall of infamy!

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Erected Official

431brute_herIt’s official. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-23954447

The House of Parliament in London recorded 300,000 attempts to access porn on the internet last year from within its sacred walls. This isn’t a figure that’s staggering to me, it’s absolutely fucking mind-blowing!! Our, (sorry I am no longer a voting UK citizen), their elected members of parliament, the ‘right honorable’ so and so’s who plead nothing but righteousness and an affinity to the almighty while they stand side by side during election time, are now guilty as sin having been caught red-handed and with no place to hide. What a bunch of slime balls.  I don’t care if they look at porn, in fact it seems to have been part and parcel of being an elected official in the UK since the beginning of time. Just look at Henry VIII et al, for confirmation that power leads directly or indirectly to fornication, or in this case, pornication!

With technology the way it is, and with privacy a thing of the past, why on earth would these MP’s believe that they could get away scott free accessing on-line porn while supposedly serving their constituents, the very people who are paying their salaries!! There are thousands of people who work at Westminster, over 5000 to be precise, and although the figures banded about today cannot pinpoint any one particular culprit, I would suggest that one or two MP’s must be quaking in their boots in the hope that they will never be ‘found out.’ UK parliament is one of the oldest though not always wisest, bastions of government on the planet, dating back over 500 years and the language used inside and out of the main chamber of debate, The House Of Commons, is to say the least, rather different to that used any other place on earth. I can only imagine the conversations taking place behind very closed doors after this expose.

“Would the right honorable gentleman for Peckam North either confirm or deny he has a subscription to Love Island Mamma’s. OR would he prefer we call out to this house, his continued badgering of that well-known web cam he seems to frequent all too often I might add, Amber’s Seedy Hothouse, whilst ungluing the pages on his lap top with a wet sponge! ” Uproar, pandemonium and disbelief, would be the order of the day. Parliament would be in a state of shock, the Speaker would have a heart attack and the Queen would be called upon to dissolve and then dismiss all 650 MP’s for the greater good of the Commonwealth.

Yes, porn is easy to access, and it’s here to stay. As one friend of mine always told me, “3 things sell newspapers, Sex, Sports and Diet” This is a scandal and one that might run and run. It’s the tip of a very large iceberg and as I sit here writing this column I wonder how many elected officials outside of Anthony Weiner, in the USA, have their computers infected with remnants of porn surfing exasperation? How much of our tax payers dollars is wasted on porn? Dies anyone care to know? Does anyone really know? I am all for an erection in the afternoon, except when it’s my money that’s paying for someone else’s pleasure. We should not take for granted the effects that porn might have on our elected houses. After all time spent looking at naked women or men for that matter, is time taken away from our desire to right this sinking ship of a nation. If these people in the UK want a quickie, then take an hour or two at night in your own apartments and strum our to a five-finger boogie on your own time. I’m also sure that women are just as guilty as men, indeed I heard last week they brought out a new pill for ladies who desire instant results when surfing porn on-line. It’s called Niagara. Apparently they take two and it keeps them wet for a whole week!

To all those MP’s in Great Britain who feel the need to look at porn, I sincerely hope that none of you are in the defense department, after all, we don’t want any missiles going off prematurely, do we!